The relationship between doing and being is a mystery to me.  I don't really have the words for why I am perplexed. Maybe my confusion and wonder is self-imposed.

Suppose you want to be a better person. You might start by doing the right things. But how can you do the right things without first being a better person? (How can an evil man do good? How can a fool act wisely without first becoming wise?)

When I am caught between the poles of being and doing I feel like I am not capable of willing anything. My being becomes a reflection of itself, and my action is the act of reflecting.

I reflect myself: I am being myself, perhaps?. Is this a union of being and doing? Whatever it is, it feels like annihilation.

Stupid words. Strange loops. It—whatever it is—doesn't make sense, and I feel powerless and stupid when I reflect on this at a distance. —whatever this thought is, I don't have a good grasp of it.