I've been without work for a while now. Months. Unemployment hasn't come through. I have spent a few hours this week waiting on the line with the unemployment office. I've called literally hundreds of times. It was a miracle I got through. But my case is fucked. And I need to reach a higher tier of support, but I keep getting disconnected because the queue is full, or maybe they're hanging up on me for one reason or another. I actually broke down and cried today after my third time getting through the call disconnected because of a mysteriously bad signal.
It's hard just sitting here knowing I'm running out of money. I won't be homeless. I have a plan for that. But I'm stuck. And my future is uncertain. And when my future is uncertain, I start regretting all my past choices.
Given all that is going on, I don't feel like my pain is worth mentioning to anyone. They say I have a lot going for me. But it doesn't feel that way, not right now. I might just be a broken prototype. You know. One of nature's useless iterations cast aside. Because that's what she does, you know: she makes us at random. Deep down inside, I know that there is more to life, the world, and nature. But right now this is all I can see and feel. And so I guess I have to feel and see that right now.
I have about $200 of cash tips from when I was a barista. I'm going to dig into that fund for a pack of cigarettes. And I think I'm going to just sit on the porch and smoke and hurt today.
[...]
HR Giger came in the mail today.
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